Do you feel obligated, your life full of “shoulds”? Do those obligations tend to be external expectations that leave your personal life sometimes static and in shambles, unfulfilled? Then you might fit the Obliger tendencies. Obligers are very good at meeting external expectations, but struggle with meeting internal – ie self-chosen -expectations and goals. They put others before them, which is noble, only they often go to extremes and deplete and disappoint themselves.
Obligers are great at work and in collaborative efforts because they focus on meeting others’ expectations and are a team player. They are great to have as a boss for the same reason. They are responsible and willing to go the extra mile to get things done. And they respond to outer accountability so work well in organizations.
On the other hand, they are susceptible to overwork and burnout. They can be exploitable and become resentful, They have trouble saying no or imposing limits on themselves and thus may end up eventually rebelling and doing it quite suddenly.
Of course, because they are very focused on meeting external expectations, like Upholders, yet struggle with meeting internal expectations, they may clash with Upholders who can’t understand why they fail to meet internal expectations. And when they interact with Rebels, who also resist internal expectations, they face criticism when they rebel. The Rebels would wonder why they put themselves in obligation to those external expectations in the first place.
If they can manage to obtain accountability partners to help them meet internal expectations they eliminate the internal discord they fell on “not measuring up”,
Next up: the Rebels